Celebrity Deaths Come in Three

... at least that's the theory that has been passed down from Hush-Hush, LA Confidential, Kenneth Anger, Photoplay and TMZ. Hey, folks. Billy Mays here, for Oxy-Clean... what if I told you I stepped on the rainbow? That's right, folks. Don't wait, there's no more.

Poor Billy hit his head in an airplane. He went to bed early that night, complaining to his wife of a headache and saying goodnight. Reqiescat in Pace, William. You shall huckster in heaven, unless of course the magic potions you peddled caused brain damage or worse. Me? I thought you seemed benign enough.

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POSTSCRIPT (or postmortem)-- The ever-vigilant Mortal Jivester commented on this post shortly after it was posted with late-breaking news. According to Reuters, "In a preliminary statement on Monday after an initial autopsy, Hillsborough County medical examiner Vernard Adams said his examination found that Mays had 'hypertensive heart disease,' which refers to heart disease caused by high blood pressure, but 'there was no evidence of any head trauma.'

Adams said this heart ailment 'was certainly capable of causing the sudden death.' He said Mays had died in his sleep.

'It's not unusual for persons with heart disease to die this young,' Adams said... "


Of course it's not unusual! Did you ever see Billy work? I'm surprised his head didn't explode and his heart leapt from his chest! The RIP stands-- peace being the operative word.

Thanks to MJS for staying on top of this.