Sunday, May 29, 2011

She's baack(and other movement on the right)

Saturday's Statesman Journal ran an AP story, reporting that Sarah Palin will "embark this weekend on a campaign style bus tour along the East Coast." The AP referred to half-Governor Palin as "telegenic but divisive"-- nothing if not tactful. She hasn't announced her candidacy formally, but was quoted as saying that she has "that fire in the belly" for a presidential bid. While most people would remedy that fire in the belly with Maalox or Pepto, Sarah takes it to mean the time is right to buy a house in Arizona and get on the bus. She said that the bus tour will serve as a reminder "who we are and what Americans stand for."

Scary thought, eh? We need an illiterate hockey-mom who quit a job less than halfway through the term to tell us who we are? If that is the case, "we" are in deep doo-doo. But the fundamental issue is that neither the Mavericky one nor any of the announced and/or unannounced Republican presidential candidates are talking to me. If I accept Mrs. Palin's premise, I have to imagine her telling me what Americans stand for amounts to respecting someone who is a quitter, who shoots wild animals from airplanes and helicopters, names her kids with nonsensical names, like Trig and Track, and, if I'm not mistaken, absconded with campaign funds the last time around to clothe herself in Manhattan finery. She better think this through before giving up her gig at Fox News. As it is, she has a movie coming out. IMAX? I doubt it... YouTube, more likely.

The AP article surmised that Mrs. Palin is looking at the current field and concludes, "why not me?"

The Kinkster (right) with Will Smith and Bill Clinton

Why not, indeed. The last person I recall saying that while running for office was the inestimable Richard "Kinky" Friedman. Actually, the Kinkster's tagline was "Why the hell not?" Unfortunately, Texans took him as seriously as Groucho and voted instead for Rick Perry. More on him n a minute.

Yesterday, Mrs. Palin photo-opped her way into the annual Rolling Thunder motorcycle ride and rally. One could say her appearance was less than welcome by some of the participants.

Sarah Palin on the Stealing Thunder tour

Why just a few weeks ago, Newsweek ran a teaser placed above the publication's name. "Is Sarah Palin Over?"

Just when you thought it was safe...

She's baack!

* * *

No one is terribly concerned about my personal fave, Rick Santorum. I am a little saddened that he is not being taken seriously... yet. Before this whole thing shakes out, Rick may look damned good.

Newt certainly doesn't. Between his marriages, his infidelities, his flip-flopping on the Paul Ryan Medicare movement, Newt is just not being taken seriously.

Separated at birth?

Ah, and then there's former and closeted preacher, former governor, Fox News provocateur and bass player, Mike Huckabee. He has decided his "fair and balanced" gig is more better than being president. Somewhere down the line, Chuck Norris bailed as Mike's number one fan, replaced by inimitable Ted Nugent. Now, I have nothing against Mr. Nugent, other than the fact that the best thing he ever did was "Baby, Please Don't Go" with the Amboy Dukes. Actually, the picture below is Ted grooving out with Mike on bass, playing Ted's mega-hit, "Cat Scratch Fever."

Jammin' with Ted

I make the pussy purr with

The stroke of my hand

They know they gettin' it from me

They know just where to go

When they need their lovin man

They know I do it for free

Uh, Pastor Mike...? You should be ashamed of yourself.

Mike is out, but Rudy and Ricky are in the wings. It's like an off-night on the Ed Sullivan show.

Least likely to receive the nomination...
most likely to bow out before getting in, etc.

What am I thinking?

Which brings me to Texas Governor Rick Perry.

The mere fact that Mr. Perry didn't take the above mentioned Kinky Friedman's run for the governorship seriously is a huge negative. He may be a Te-Party fave for exactly the reasons I find him and his policies so detestable.

Lone Star Search winner.

I don't hold Mr. Perry's rugged good looks against him. He could be in a Cohen Brothers film or a character in a Cormac MacCarthy book. Rick Perry-- somewhere between Tommy Lee Jones and Josh Brolin. He is the best–and the most obvious–that we can hope for. A good looking, empty suit. According to, Governor Perry is against federal funding for abortion, supports the equal rights amendment and the amendment preventing same-sex marriage. He opposes any restrictions on gun control, which seems to be less than a very smart policy, considering an alarming number of the guns bought in Texas are used during the commission of crimes in Mexico. In 2002, he had overseen the execution of a Mexican citizen, despite pleas from then President Vicente Fox. Also in 2002, he vetoed the ban on executing mentally retarded inmates. He is one of the governors in favor of citizens having to show photo I.D.'s in order to vote. Oh, and did I mention the guy's full of shit? In November, he emphatically stated he would not run for President.

Perhaps fate and the unpredictability of the race will set things right. Still, I've got my money on the other Rick... Santorum. No one else provides such slapstick over the top humor. But, wait... I forgot Michele Bachmann! No worries. There'll be time...

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