My Session with Raj

I had connection troubles today. That in itself is not so strange, given that I live in the boonies and rely on a satellite to connect me to that new fangled internet. It clouds up here a lot, and rains often. Usually, though, we keep connected. Today was unusual. More so, because the modem seem to have been getting a strong signal. Them green lights on the left there stayed on steady as you please. So by the third time I lost the connection and the third time I called, the folks over at Satellite Central figured it was a problem with the router. The first time I called, I spoke to someone named Ferlin and the second time to someone named Jeremiah. I can’t make up shit like that. It was Lynn that gave me the toll-free number for the router company. Small manufacturer no one’s hardly ever heard of. Linksys.

Wouldn’t you know, when I called I got to talk to someone with an Indian accent. What a damned surprise. He told me the router was broke, but they could fix it from where they were for $39.99. You bet I was surprised. I was darned confused.

“You’re gonna fix my router from halfway round the world?”

“Yes, sir.”

And he convinced me it was cheaper than buying a new one. Alright, I said. Sign me up.

Turns out the payment was just to get service. A six month deal. Service any time I needed it. “Twenty-four times seven,” he said.

I gave the second Indian fellow to come on the line my credit card information and then he in turn transferred me to Raj, the Senior Specialist.

Well, Ole Raj gave me some preliminary instructions and then he told me to “just sit back and try to relax.”

Then he took over my damned computer! The mouse was moving on its own. Passwords were being typed in and windows revealed other windows. Actually, I shouldn’t say windows. I’m on a Mac, which I had to tell darn near half the Indian population tonight.

Now I’ve seen stuff in movies where some nefarious evil guy has an evil geek (Scott Green or someone like him) that taps into the pentagon Big Bertha of computers or something. You know, like disarm the fail-safe system or take over the traffic control system in Gotham City. Something like that. But, being a regular kind of guy, I figured that was all made up. No one can take over the government’s computer from some fortress of solitude. Well, guess what? It ain’t made up. I mean, how else could I have uploaded this little ditty tonight?