You Might be a Redneck...

Let me tell you a little story
About a man named Todd
Who has the balls of an elephant
And the arrogance of a God
Who used his wife's office to intimidate a trooper
And followed her around with a pooper scooper

Circus elephants... domestic terrorists

Now his wife's name's Sarah
And she's a real hockey mom
Who was asked to join the ticket
to be the maverick sex bomb
The party wanted to dress her
For about twenty thou
But that wasn't enough for
This Uppity White Trash sow

Saks and Neimans, you betcha

To Needless Mark-Up she did enter
Buying outfits and suits
Like the last big spender
Her poor little daughter
Looked like a trailer park mess
So for her, nothing less
Than a Luis Vuitton dress

Labels on bags, dresses and clutches

Poor Todd stood in the shadows
and began to pout
His old clothes made him really stand out
A new suit or two he really did need
So they buried the bills and hoped
The party wouldn't see

Big spenders, those Palins
Suits and boots
Brooches and jewels
A kiddie Vuitton bag
And that's not all...

Well, the Presidential election
It came and went
Her running mate and she lost
But the money was spent
The clothes she says
Will be put on sale
And poor old Todd
Off to the county...

Jail, that is
Graybar hotel
Scapegoat slammer

Now it's time for us to say goodbye
To Sarah and Todd and her brood of five
Or six or seven or maybe eight
While they head back north
And ponder their fate

Don't count her out
Not by a long shot
There are a lot of people
who still think she's hot
She's a mavericky woman who knows how to kill
And shops til she drops and racks up those bills

In Manhattan, gosh darn it
Department stores, boutiques
Fancy Restaurants and daylight in winter

Bye now
Y'all come back, hear?
Say, in about four years



Apologies to the Mortal Jivester